For many people, there’s nothing more thrilling than a little rough play (consensually, of course). Whether you’re into dominance, submission, or some bondage play, BDSM aficionados need a little extra oomph outside of vanilla sex to get them going. And even if vanilla is your favorite flavor, you may be curious about exploring the pleasure (and pain) offered by BDSM.
Now, for those of you asking, “What is BDSM?” It’s simply another sexual interest and isn’t unhealthy, although many of us have been conditioned to see it as wrong. Due to society’s taboo view of BDSM, it can be tough for many people to educate themselves and learn the ins and outs of this power play kink. The acronym stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadomasochism, and Masochism. While sadists, aka doms, enjoy delivering pain, masochists, aka subs, get pleasure from receiving pain. When one meets another, it’s a match made in heaven. BDSM has been around for centuries, referenced in texts like the Kama Sutra and Marquis de Sade works.
Perhaps the snap of a whip excites you, or you’d like to explore the dynamics of doms and subs. Whether you’re a newbie or looking to level up in the world of kink, there are endless things to learn about BDSM, power dynamics, and the best BDSM sex toys. If you are a beginner, rules, safe words, and consent are the first things you should learn about. Many misconceptions surround this fetish, so educating yourself on everything from safe words to after-play and creating a safe space for all parties involved is key. Then, it’s time for some spicy fun.
When done respectfully and responsibly, this kink can be incredibly empowering and create a new intimacy between partners. Products like BDSM starter kits can help provide some variety for beginners, but it can be tough to find high-quality, long-lasting products that feel good and are designed by the best in the industry.
We’ve got your back thanks to the help of some very wise experts — after all, who knows more about BDSM than professional dominatrixes themselves? These pros specialize in all things subs, doms, and pain. After speaking with experienced pro-dommes, we’ve collected some of the best BDSM sex toys for beginners and seasoned pros alike. Please note that the experts personally recommended not every product in the shopping guide below we spoke to, and we’ve included some beginner-friendly toys that a seasoned dominatrix wouldn’t be caught dead with.
Courtesy of Etsy, Daddy’sLeatherShop
When exploring BDSM play, there’s a spectrum from lighter activities to more extreme ones, which should be approached carefully. Sex expert Angie Rowntree, founder and director of award-winning ethical porn site sssh.com, shares with SPY, “Blindfolding a partner with a scarf, or tying their hands together — that is kink. Tickling them with a feather is kink, but so are the more elaborate forms like rope bondage, suspension, flogging, etc., which should never be attempted without proper training.”
Below, we’ll share some helpful information for beginners and couples interested in submission, domination, and BDSM sex toys. Education and consent are always important when embarking upon a new sexual journey, especially with BDSM.
The Best Places To Buy BDSM Sex Toys Online
Knowing where to start can be intimidating — especially if you’re unsure how to use items like electro sex toys.
We’ve shared a selection of the best BDSM sex toys for beginners below and some expert picks for more experienced players. We pulled our selection from various brands and online sex toy retailers. There are tons of places to buy sex toys online, but according to the kinky folks we consulted, here are a few of the top destinations for BDSM gear in particular:
Best for Experts – Stockroom: Many experts we spoke to recommended shopping with this kinky BDSM sex toy store. Many of the BDSM sex toys at Stockroom may be a bit advanced for beginners, but our experts believe this store has the highest-quality BDSM gear.
Best for Beginners – Lovehoney: Lovehoney is our favorite place to buy sex toys online, and they have a considerable section of kinky BDSM toys and bondage tools. Lovehoney has great customer service, discrete shipping, and affordable prices.
Best for BDSM Furniture – Liberator: Liberator makes some of the finest sex furniture in the world, and the company also has a line of restraints and bondage gear.
Best for Custom Gear – Etsy: Members of the BDSM community are often independent-minded folks who prefer to wear a one-of-a-kind harness than something anyone can buy on Amazon. Etsy is actually a great place to go for custom fetish collars, leather restraints, and other kinky items.
Best Sex-Positive Fun – Babeland: We love Babeland, a feminist, sex-positive sex shop with physical locations and an online store. Babeland has tons of educational resources for BDSM beginners and a huge selection of toys for folks of all orientations and body types.
Best Small Business – Unbound Babes: We love this modern, kinky online sex toy shop with a forward-looking ethos and high-quality toys for sexual exploration.
We’ve curated a range of BDSM sex toys suitable for all experience levels, including the century-old classics that never fail at straddling the line between pleasure and pain. Explore your erotic fantasies with our crowd-pleasing picks of the best BDSM sex toys for beginners and pros alike.
The Best BDSM Sex Toys
1. Lovense Hush Butt Plug
BEST OVERALL
Mistress Damiana Chi, a high-profile domme recently in the Discovery+ series House of Hammer, shares her two favorite picks for the best BDSM toys.
“The Lovense Hush 2 plug comes in 4 different sizes for different size “sex holes.” I love this vibrating plug and use it for many scenarios. Two fun ones are when my sissymaid or domestic slave is serving me around my dungeon or home, and I need to summon them; all I have to do is open up the app on my phone and send a jolting vibrating pattern, and my slave comes scurrying! I also like to use it when we are out at a restaurant, and I send a strong vibration pattern right when the server comes to our table.”
This Bluetooth buttplug also comes in several sizes, making it highly customizable.
Dee Severe, an ex-pro domme of many years who now directs fetish flicks at Severe Sex Films, shares her personal treasure box of the best BDSM toys to add to your wicked little collection. First up is this riding crop from the Stockroom.
“BDSM can be one of the most exciting, bonding things ever if you do it right. And you can really seriously injure your partner if you do it wrong. So, two important notes about BDSM toys: 1. Don’t buy cheap crap that can fail at the worst moment. Invest in quality toys. 2. Do not use advanced toys like single-tail whips and canes until you have had some training. Lifestyle BDSM organizations and dungeons often hold classes. At the very least, watch instructional videos and practice a lot on pillows, etc., before you hit a human. The crop is a great toy for beginners because it’s easy to aim and control.“
Severe’s second suggestion is a pair of leather cuffs, which sounds more sumptuous than metal handcuffs and safer for BDSM beginners than ropes.
“If you are a beginner, please don’t use rope until you have taken a bondage class or were an Eagle Scout in your youth. If you tie someone up the wrong way or leave them tied up for too long, you can cause permanent nerve damage. Cuffs work just as well and are much safer for a novice. This set for hands and feet will do the trick.”
4. Bondage Boutique Red Hot Passion Bedroom Bondage Kit (6 Piece)
EDITOR’S PICK
This affordable BDSM kit from Lovehoney is the perfect option for beginners ready for a kinky adventure. The 6-piece Bondage Boutique set comes with bed restraints, hand and leg cuffs, a blindfold and gag, and a flogger. Because it’s so affordable, you can easily add a few more goodies to your shopping cart for even more fun.
5. ElectraStim EM60-M Flick Electrosex Stimulator Multipack Set
BEST ELECTRO TOY
Looking for something a little more shocking? Consider getting into electro-play, but using the best BDSM toys in terms of quality is key. Chi comments, “My favorite electro-play unit is ElectraStim. I have tried other high-end electro-play brands, and this one “feels” the best to subs. They say that some of the settings feel erotic yet can still be painful, depending on what settings I choose. Some of my favorite attachments to use with it are ElectraStim Prestige ElectraLoops Adjustable Cock Rings, which I also use on balls, and Depth Charge Flexible Electro Probe for anal play.”
6. Stock Room Cow Leather Interchangeable Flogger Head
MOST VERSATILE
This is one of the best BDSM toys for those looking to get into flogging or whipping, according to pro domme Madyson de la Rough.
“I recommend this cow leather head, which works with the interchangeable handle below. “This cow leather interchangeable flogger by unique kink is an amazing piece as you can mix & match the handles to finger flogger grip or classic handle in a few different sizes so that you can create a custom toy for your needs.” This head is made from thick, heavy leather, often made for motorcycle chaps. They also sell deer and bison leather heads for different sensations.
While the leather head is sold separately at sites like Stock Room, Unique Kink lets you choose your handle along with the head. The classic handle comes in multiple sizes, as Maydson de la Rough mentioned, which allows for a more personalized experience based on your needs. A shock-absorbent polymer handle provides a comfortable grip, while a series of unique ball bearings allow it to swivel for a more accurate, graceful motion while avoiding tangles. It’s also compatible with whips if you decide to level up.
For a versatile kit that looks as good as it feels, check out this BDSM Basics kit from Unbound Babes, which also makes a great gift. Included is their most popular adjustable wrist restraint set, dubbed Orion, which comes with a strap that can be used for over-the-door action. It can also be used on ankles. You also get a roll of attractive PCV bondage tape that only sticks to itself, so skin and hair are safe from damage. It restrains effectively but is easy to remove, making it perfect for all levels.
We’ve spoken to the babes behind Unbound Babes, and it’s a sex-positive and gender-neutral sex toy retailer that supports people of all kinds.
Mistress Mia also recommends using a flogger paired with a finger flogger extension, which can provide better control for newbies: “Made of soft suede with a leather handle, these finger floggers give a lot of control and are great for beginners due to the simplicity of the design.” She recommends these high-quality items from Unique Kink, sold by Stockroom LA.
They’re completely interchangeable, like the oversized handle we mentioned above. This lets you try new attachments without buying a brand new flogger. Another unexpected benefit of finger floggers is that they’re versatile for anyone with joint issues or wrist fatigue and are more portable than the bigger handles.
If you want to explore impact play with a partner, consider this stylish blue vegan flogger, which can produce anything from a gliding tickle to a potent sting. If you’re looking to experiment with different pain levels, consider this flogger, which has a length that allows the user to practice aimming and targeting. As one user puts it, “Not so modest that it’s wimpy or embarrassing, but not at all so flashy as to be intimidating. Easy to wield, and provides a variety of stingy to thuddy effects.”
Another alternative to a riding crop regarding impact play is a good old fashion spanking, according to Dee. First, master it with the hand, then graduate to this paddle. Savage guides newbies with this advice:
“Once you have mastered correct aim with your hand (hitting the round, fleshy part of the butt, NOT tailbone or any area above the butt that could hit kidneys or other vital organs), you can progress to a paddle. Like a crop, easy to aim and control. Stay away from wood paddles till you really know what you’re doing; they have a more intense impact. Take it easy at first and always communicate with your partner.”
Not quite ready to graduate to the world of impact play? In that case, consider sensory play, which allows you to experiment with sensation and textures before graduating to more serious pain.
Savage comments, “Sensory deprivation can be a very sensual way for couples to play. Essentially, you put your partner in bondage and blindfold them, then apply pleasure and pain from different sources. In addition to DIY items such as ice cubes, this feather tickler, and prickly pinwheel could be really fun.” Start with the tickler for a gentle intro before graduating to the delicious jolt of the pinwheel.
An alternative to cold metal nipple clamps, these silicone nipple suckers are the ultimate sensation play add-on to foreplay or intercourse. They’re as soft as velvet and change color as your playtime gets hotter, leaving nipples extra sensitive, plump, and erect. Just be sure to line the rim of the sucker with water-based lube for the best suction. It’s perfect for anyone who finds their nipples a serious erogenous zone and likes to get them sucked or stimulated. After applying, hold in place for added pressure, squeezing and releasing without lifting the sucker.
When shopping for the best BDSM sex toys, under-the-bed restraints are a common recommendation. These bondage toys are often included in BDSM kits for beginners, but if you’re looking for a more sophisticated option, try these premium restraints, available at Babeland.
Although they make a perfect intro to cuffs for beginners, these comfy, buckle-free Quickie handcuffs made from silicone are sturdy with a velvety finish. They’re a hypoallergenic alternative to anyone who gets skin reactions from metal or other materials and a waterproof option that will never get rusty. A noiseless choice that’s also an airport-safe travel accessory, making your journey through security as discreet as possible. Unlike clip-based ones, you can put these through the wringer multiple times, and they’ll always survive, letting you stay in position for longer.
Shibari is the art of rope bondage, and it originates from Japan. There are many ways to enjoy rope bondage, although it typically enjoys tightly binding a partner somehow. With time, rope bondage aficionados can learn different ways to tie their partner. The person being tied up will love the loss of control, while the one doing the tying will adore dominating. This extra long rope can create full-body restraints and is made of thick, soft cotton to avoid chafing or rope burn.
Please note that properly using BDSM toys like this requires training and practice. You can also check out online rope play courses here.
16. Bondage Boutique Faux Leather Medium Silicone Ball Gag
BEST STARTER GAG
Whether you love gagging or being gagged or want to reduce the noise you make during sex, this stretchy silicone option is your best bet. Complete with faux leather straps, this ball gag is much more comfortable than hard plastic alternatives and can prevent individuals from straining their jaw or experiencing breathing problems. Explore muffled restraint play and silence your sub with this toy, but be aware that it might not be the best for extra small mouths.
17. Bondage Boutique Extreme Expandable Spreader Bar with Leather Cuffs
BEST SPREADER BAR
Spreader bars are a unique form of bondage play that takes restraint to a new level. Keeping legs or wrists restrained and separated, each of these leather cuffs (complete with padlocks and multiple spare keys) are lined with faux fur for maximum comfort. You can gradually increase the length of the solid metal spreader bar based on your flexibility, and the ankle cuffs can even rotate, allowing for a bit of movement without releasing. Stay comfortable yet restricted with this BDSM essential which can be used for anything from flogging to new penetration angles.
While blindfolds are some of the most readily available kink accessories, there are too many low-quality, flimsy options on the market. This luxury alternative, suitable for all genders, doesn’t slip, unlike cheaper versions and is completely adjustable for all head sizes with its buckle strap. It has a sleek look for a fair price, providing sensory deprivation while making the wearer feel as sexy as possible—an eye-catching submission device made from superior materials.
Looking to spice up your master and slave roleplay? Integrate wearing this padded collar and leash set in your intimate time. This 55-inch chain leash comes complete with a faux leather handle, and the collar features a ring on the back that allows for connection to other ropes and leashes. Command your sub during playtime or just around the house if this roleplay extends to different aspects of your lifestyle. Users love how comfy the non-chafing collar is, while others found the weight of the chain to be “surprisingly great.”
You might not realize it, but Etsy is one of the best places to buy BDSM toys online, especially if you’re looking for fetish collars. In addition to collars and chokers for kinky fun, you can also find a ton of leather restraints and harnesses. We’ve included one such option below, which comes from an Etsy seller called Daddy’s Leather Shop, so you know it means business.
Liberator is the most popular sex toy furniture brand, and we’ve featured the company’s products in many of our sex toy shopping guides. The classic Liberator Wedge gets an upgrade here with an additional restraint system, which can pin you or your partner’s hands or feet into all sorts of naughty positions. You can also use the ramp to experiment with new positions that explore new sexual depths. Liberator makes the best sex furniture in our experience, and we highly recommend this bundle.
Due to the stigma surrounding BDSM, this kink has been misconstrued by the media, especially in films like 50 Shades of Gray which infer that bondage results from abuse or being “damaged.” Instead, true BDSM is all about creating a safe space and establishing rules. Rowntree adds, “ALWAYS have a safeword ready to stop play immediately if need be — pick something unique that you would not usually use, like ‘pineapple’ or ‘swordfish.’ You can also establish a non-verbal cue.”
Consent, communication, and boundaries are the pillars of BDSM that ensure all parties have a pleasurable experience. Investing in high-quality BDSM gear is equally important.
Here are some criteria to pay attention to when buying the best BDSM sex toys and accessories:
Size: Dimensions are key, especially when using a cock cage or cuffs. Consider investing in adjustable cuffs made from a flexible material, and accessories like cages measure your genitals accordingly.
Comfort: While BDSM is about discomfort to some extent, punishment should still be delivered with comfortable items made with high-quality materials.
Durability: Durable materials are important because you might be doing pretty intense activities during your play session, and sturdy equipment will be key to safely getting through them.
How to Start Your BDSM Journey
There are many different ways to explore the exciting world of BDSM. A popular way to start is sensory deprivation. This can be a blindfold that removes sight, a gag that silences, or cuffs that remove your range of motion. Removing one sense can enhance the others.
In terms of bringing it up with a partner, Rowntree reminds us, “If you’re trying to gauge your partner’s level of interest, go ahead and ask if there is anything kinky they are interested in trying. And when you ask, you need to be open-minded and non-judgmental; nothing shuts down a person faster than feeling judged or shamed.”
While you can start exploring BDSM on porn sites such as sssh.com, Consider taking kink classes or connecting with your local BDSM community. It takes extreme honesty and communication, which can take hard work both in and out of the bedroom.
To learn more, we recommend checking out more educational resources. You can also read books like BDSM 101, a great resource for curious beginners. Think of BDSM 101 as an instruction manual with practical tips for newbies exploring bondage, domination, and submission safely.
Along with communicating well during your fetish sesh, BDSM aftercare best practices are also important, as noted by Lovense.com. Aftercare refers to the relaxation that follows a play session. That might mean cuddles, bathing together, treating injuries from the session with ointment or ice, staying hydrated, or eating your favorite foods. You and your partner can play with customizing aftercare based on the BDSM games you like to engage in — practice makes perfect.
