You know what they say — only hot bitches have IBS. So, although we do stay pooping uncontrollably, at least we have the sex appeal. God bless.
I’ve been IBSing for as long as I can remember now. At least since college? I’m not sure. But, it’s bad. It’s not fun. And, to top it all off, IBS can get expensive.
I can’t tell you how much toilet paper I’ve gone through in the past couple of years. I’ve probably made up for at least half of my building’s toilet paper consumption and there are hundreds of us in here. That being said, I had always been super curious about using one of the best bidets given the need for toilet paper use diminishing dramatically. Well, in addition to an extra clean booty, of course. But, I never allowed myself to pull the trigger.
Why? Mainly because I was too scared to install it myself. I don’t know the ins and outs of a toilet. My brain isn’t wired to think about that.
This fear lasted for a while — all until I saw a YouTube commercial for TUSHY, one of the world’s most popular names in bidets that is currently selling their infamous TUSHY Classic 3.0 for just $99 right now. Yeah, talk about one of the best Christmas gifts ever.
I can’t find a video for you, but it went a little bit like this: a child was washing dishes in the sink without any water. When the mother comes along and asks why their kid is choosing to go without water to wash dishes, the child says something along the lines of, “we don’t wash our butts with water to clean them and they’re much dirtier than dishes, so why would we need to wash dishes with water?”
Essentially, that made me shiver with disgust so deeply that I knew it was time. I needed a bidet and I needed one fast.
So, I got over my fear. I got a bidet from TUSHY, pleaded with my apartment manager to install it for me because I am baby and waited for my first wash. What I’ve come to learn? I will never poop in a toilet without a bidet ever again. I will wait to poop until I come home.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much owning a bidet has changed my life. For starters, my apartment manager made fun of me because it was so simple to install. I didn’t ask any questions nor read the little instructions packet that the bidet came with because that’s none of my business, but he was in and out of my bathroom in 5 minutes maximum.
First spray? Weird. Cold. I had never used a bidet before in my life. I’ve been to bathrooms that have had bidets, but I never let myself use one because I didn’t want to have to deal with whatever consequences my brain made up afterward. Would I be too wet? What if I did it wrong? Do I need to use toilet paper first?
But this time, the bidet was in my home. If I messed it up, I had time to learn. That’s when I realized that there is simply no way to mess it up with TUSHY. Simply position the bidet to aim in one of two positions, twist the nob for your desired water pressure, spray your butthole and that’s that. You’re done. Finish wiping the rest of your doo-doo and excess water off with just a little bit of toilet paper and you’re done. Clean as a whistle.
As mentioned, the first time using a bidet was weird, but every single time after that, I sense nothing unfamiliar except for total cleanliness. No awkward cold feeling, no extreme wetness, just a fully clean feel you can’t get from just toilet paper.
Let me say it again — I stay having IBS. I’m IBSing all the time. If you’re reading this, I’m probably IBSing right now somewhere in the world. The TUSHY Classic 3.0 bidet has changed the way I go for the better. I have never felt more satisfied with my post-poop feel. Seriously.
I will tell everyone I know on this blue earth that they should own a bidet and now it’s time to tell you, SPY reader. Everyone with access to a toilet should have a bidet from TUSHY. Point, blank, period. Get ready to change the way you go number two forever.